Resistance Is Futile
Reflections and Advice from One Recovering Perfectionist to Another
- The Coastline in Islamorada, FL
The Uphill Battle
I spoke a bit about our battle facing RESISTANCE on all fronts when we decided to pull the trigger and commit to building our bus.
Resistance was a new term I began studying in my entrepreneurship and business courses. Each of the courses I took contained some mindset work at the beginning of the program before delving into the rest of the education modules.
Our brains are fascinating and very well adapted to protecting us. Sometimes they do it too well.
Awwww… it sounds so sweet until you’re self-sabotaging from becoming your best self because your brain is not comfortable with a little change in routine.
So as I rolled this concept of resistance over in my brain again and again searching for the ways it shows up in my own personal struggles.
Perfectionism is the biggest form of resistance for me. I am a recovering perfectionist and can now proudly let the mess MESS when I know my brain needs it.
I know I must challenge those perfectionist tendencies in myself. I also know I’m not the only recovering perfectionist out there. So I pose the following to any and all of you who are also struggling with this:
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!
And since in my case, resistance comes in the form of perfectionism:
PERFECTIONISM IS FUTILE!
Not profound, I know. But for such a small sentence, there is power if you allow the concept to take hold. Perfection does not exist and striving for it on a daily basis is a futile effort better spent embracing the imperfect realities of the day.
The Tips and Advice I’d Give My Younger Perfectionist Self:
1. BROADEN YOUR GAZE.
There is no such thing as “perfect” in every circumstance. Sometimes, you must come to the understanding that imperfections are what make things “perfect” relative to the observer.
2. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE PERFECT TIME TO START.
Often I think we are thrown into situations before our brain has the courage to accept reality and move forward on decisions or goals, and only you are holding you back.
3. BREAK YOUR MOLD!
Being true to yourself is far more important than trying to maintain an “ideal” picture of yourself in other people’s brains. You are not here on earth to please others. You are in fact here to discover how to help and serve others while taking care of yourself. But often the latter is overshadowed by the former and we end up on a hamster wheel of life. Day in and day out trying to live up to an unattainable “perfect persona" to please others (Who, by the way, are doing the exact same thing.)
4. BE OKAY WITH QUITTING!
When you want to quit and have been taught your entire life not to give up when it gets hard, etc. Walking away from what is NOT for you will put you on a path TOWARD that which will fulfill you completely.
5. BE HAPPY BY YOURSELF.
Learn how to be alone. This is honestly my biggest tip for anyone and everyone. Figure out what you like to do with nobody else there to dictate or decide for you. It is excruciatingly challenging at first because some of us prefer to let others do the decision making in our lives and we don’t even realize how much. We concede our wants so we don’t have to fight for what we want and risk making others mad. It’s a vicious cycle that can be stopped with dedicated alone time just getting to know you and the things you enjoy doing without anyone else’s contributions.
6. LEARN TO REST!!
There will always be more to do. Resting as your battery drains instead of waiting until the battery is dead can save you so much headache and heartache.
Rest is not just sleeping either. There are in fact 7 different types of rest that each of our fragile human bodies need.
Physical Rest: Sleep, gentle movement, Binge Day, etc
Mental Rest: Mindfulness, micro breaks, ready a book
Emotional Rest: authentic expression of feelings
Spiritual Rest: Meditation, prayer, QT, alone time, etc
Sensory Rest: QT! Screen breaks, stretch breaks, Outside time, Headphones, etc.
Creative Rest: PLAY!!! You do YOU! Music time, art, etc.
Social Rest: Community! Fulfilling social interactions with fulfilling peeps
7. PRACTICE DOES NOT MAKE PERFECT; PRACTICE MAKES PROGRESS!
Your entire outlook can shift when you begin to internalize the concept of practicing habits. Not practicing them for a performance event (AKA: perfection practice equals perfect one time performance) but rather practicing these habits to train your body and your mind daily to build your overall resilience.
Failure is never final! Failure is just an opportunity to learn and build your resilience which in turn builds your confidence.
Conclusion: YOU BE UNIQUELY YOU!
Don’t strive to be perfect by anyone else’s standards because they do not control your happiness. Their approval is a finish line that will perpetually move further and further away as you approach it. Build your own happiness by strengthening your confidence in the “imperfections” you face!
BE BOLD & EMBRACE ANY CHANCE OF FAILURE!
I leave you with a quote I really enjoy coming back to from time to time especially when I’m feeling the perfectionist freeze and decision paralysis:
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”
Or to paraphrase the great adventurer Ms. Valerie Frizzle:
Let’s take some chances, make a bunch of mistakes, & GET MESSY!
Source Site: https://www.calm.com/blog/7-types-of-rest
